<3

Love you, Holly, and I totally get it. You take care of you and we'll catch up later.

Infinite respect for all you do.

I like you. That's all. I just like you. :)

TY; still trying to figure out if I killed my own bro by babbling too much about brats and making him drink himself to death or if our bizarre and toxic family were actually telling the truth about his cirrhosis of the liver getting that bad that fast being "Just one of those things".

I'm seriously needing Trans 101 shit here to try to make sense of this shit sandwich I've been served. I know enough not to ask but I don't know enough yet not to be very, very grateful for any information that is offered to help me wrap my mind around the fact that everything inside my head is a lie that I buy.

So thanks. I appreciate that. It's hard for me to conceptualize Dysphoria because I have other private hells but this one was my brother's and I had no idea.

I will have to live with the fact forever that I had no idea. I just thought we were tomboys and he was cooler than me.

So sorry Holly. I can only imagine, but of course I do. It's not if but when since I have this body that is flipping out enough over meno and my mom had a botched surgery and my grandmother....

Well, they'll just write "alcoholism" or "exposure" on my death certificate at this point because who cares but before they do I wanted to vent my rage at doctors in general. I didn't just want to go flat, I wanted to go HONEST!!!! I wanted to go FULL ON FEARLESS:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSZAIYOKHLg

and just tell them to take out the cancer, take off the nipples, leave the scars, and let me take off my flipping shirt legally when it gets hot out and say, "This is what breast cancer survivors look like."

Yea, well little thirteen year old idealistic hippie chicks don't always get what they want.

Pass me that bottle of brandy.

Agh. Urgh. Gross. I am simply not able to present a coherant picture today. Last week suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked and this week isn't going to be much better.

But I bought a shrink.

I didn't just buy any old shrink, I did a ton of research before I chose MY shrink. My shrink is a specialist. My shrink gets to see the diagnosis that my parents' super expensive shrink gave them right before their insurance money ran out.

My shrink's better than your shrink. My shrink believes the diagnosis my parents wanted to hide but my shrink is going to use this information to PROTECT me instead of using it to HURT me because my shrink is my shrink and I paid for my shrink with my own money.

Last thing in the world I ever thought I'd want to buy is a shrink but this is my shrink and my shrink is bigger than my enemies' shrink so I like my shrink and I'm glad i bought a shrink that I like because my shrink can protect me from other shrinks who want to shrink me into something I don't want to be shrunken into without my knowledge or consent.

My shrink will shrink me into the shrunken thing I want to be shrunken into because my shrink is my shrink and I paid for my shrink with my own money.

It's kind of fun saying the word "shrink" as if it was something I bought for myself because I wanted to. I guess I did, didn't I?

Oh Holly, I am so sorry! I totally get it too and no, nothing is worse, and nobody ever believes us or cares so we have to deal with that fresh betrayal every.single.time. and pretend that it doesn't even hurt when we are already smashed to a bloody pulp and doing everything we possibly can to keep it from annoying normal people or interfering with their....like watching their favourite sportsball teams on their portable televisions during their lunch hours or something???????

Yea, I know; I didn't have to be that verbose to get my point across which was really just, "Oh Holly!!!! I am so sorry!" in the first place.

I hope you're feeling better soon and I still like you and want to get to know you better even though we do have this unpleasant thing in common.

Yea, I'm just me; I don't have some superhuman talent for sucking all the good out of the internet, I've just had a lot of things I've been waiting to say for a long time to anyone who would listen.

:)

That's what I like about this place. Raddle is for serious discussion. The worst of my drunk posts and navelgazing are staying here where it's safe to be me even if I am a total jerk sometimes. :)

Absolutely not! Skirts aren't that hard to make--much easier than pants.

I used to buy handmade stuff on Etsy before it got all gentrified.

I don't get that, but I'm looking forward to crappy weather and no more guilt for reading.

I am totally in.

I was even thinking we could do it online with Audacity.

But my audacity doesn't work out of the box on Vanilla Debian and I'm so tired of distrohopping I just want to airgap everything and sit around talking to myself.

Anyway, I suck. Would love to meet other people who suck for jamming, companionship, and long sucky amateuring on the beach.

Yea, I feel you. I'm not doing the direct action but my fantasies are getting.....well, scary.

I don't think it's possible to only do good consumption. Think "least bad". Also, what I'm trying when I freeze up and get overwhelmed with afk stuff is "next best thing" and/or "best next thing".

I can't make my family respect me and stop gaslighting me but I can water this african violet or wash my favourite plate.

hth.....I'm there too so talking to myself as well as you.

Replying to myself because language learning helps too. My new word is "femme" which helps me understand why mean daughter is the way she is and why FOO that devalues me will also never see how badass femme daughter truly is, not just in comparison to mean daughter, but in her own right.

Their loss. Will reread last few pages of Grapes of Wrath wtr better definition of "fambly".

I greatly prefer text based forums and am very happy to have found this place. I was invited by another member. I am also on Raddle for political stuff, so I don't need as much of it here unless it is a different perspective or something that I hadn't thought about.

I hope it's okay that I shared the link and invited someone who is being abused on Twitter.

What's fun?

"Wellness checks" are like that. Many perfectly decent people in less-marginalized circumstances aren't aware of this fact and genuinely think they are helping. Other times----well, it can be like SWATing.

Video isn't working for me so Imma go look for text. I hope Chelsea's okay...well, as okay as anyone can be. :(

ETA: https://www.advocate.com/transgender/2018/6/05/wellness-check-chelsea-manning-involved-armed-police

tl/dr: She wasn't home when the incident happened, fortunately.

At least some tabs so I can ka-chink ka-chink I-IV-V in the background and listen to everybody else's leads?

I'll fill in with the la la las but you really want someone else to sing. :)

This is so nice to know! I mostly come here when I want to relax and get away from drama elsewhere or when I just need human contact, but I'll be less shy/ashamed now that I know I'm not being a huge burden or taking food out of anyone's mouth just because I'm lonely and want to say "hi".

Some sort of protest? I kind of feel sorry for the goats (and wish I could have one instead of a lawnmower) but it is kind of funny if you grew up in or were traumatized by that kind of neighbourhood.

sip

Please do. I'll click if you'll curate.

CBD is AWESOME!!!!! So glad you can get some and completely unaware of how recent that is.

My budtenders want me to get medical because our laws suck but I'd rather present as an ol' hippie who just wants to have fun for the same reason.

I hate the phrase "recreational patient", though; it makes me feel like a hypochondriac or some weirdo who gets their sexual kicks from random colonoscopies or unnecessary pap smears.

This week:

My meanest daughter is in town. She doesn't want to see me so I'm living my life.

My mother said, "You're not good enough!" and slammed down the phone so unplugged the handset and threw away the bill because I don't like telephones anyway.

Next week: Imma play this 12 string gee-tar. Badly.

Nice! TFS and very relevant, both historically and personally.