Awhile back, I posted a post "HRT isn't right for me right now, so I'm stopping." Then I kept taking HRT! Lol!

The """male privilege"""* of passing as a cis male is increasingly very appealing.

Every pill I take, I realize, yeah: I'm hurtling towards an undeniable mix of secondary sex characteristics, getting more clockable by the day. In the very best case, I pass as a woman, and society hates women.

But, hoo. Estrogen is good. I'm not a transmedicalist, and I think "girl brain in a boy body" is a narrative that lacks nuance and is just wrong, and "trans people are intersex actually" probably isn't the most applicable lens to view things.

But going on HRT makes all of those things feel completely true. Girl brain in a boy body? You betcha. Trans people are intersex? Maybe, yeha.

I do believe that the reproductive dichotomy is reflected in a sexual dimorphism that's shades of gray, not black and white, and I feel that I'm somewhere mottled with hues of gray.

But, the way it feels? Going on HRT makes it feel like twenty years of experiences are clicking into place. I'm going through the world like I just stepped out of Plato's Cave. I'm looking down at my chest to see signs of breast growth just like I remember doing twenty-one years ago when I was seven and so certain I was turning into a girl.

I go off estrogen and I'm :((((((((, but I also start to wonder if society would be better if all people AMAB were started on a strict regimen of estrogen actually. Valerie Solanas calls out to me from the great beyond and gives me the thumbs up. Alan Turing does too and says "come on, you should feel bad for thinking that." Beautiful women on the internet tell me "You're going to get a blood clot, you gotta start injecting."

* Years of debate over whether we can call it "male privilege" when a transfem stops transitioning for their own safety, and yet no practically applicable alternative term has been developed!! I'd rather lack nuance in my expression than ever dare to shut up.