ACT 1:

• WIFE: HUSBAND, even though you are unemployed, we finally saved $7500 for BABY'S College Education
• camera points to wife's BABY BUMP
• WIFE: And when BABY is born in 9 months, we can put that money into a BABY COLLEGE FUND
• HUSBAND: ok. goodnight honey

ACT 2:

• HUSBAND STAYS UP AND GOES ON THE COMPUTER
• URL BAR: https://kickstarter.com/juicero
• ORDER SELECTION: "Oh Juice pack", $7,500.
  • All of the above perks,
  • PLUS an EXTRA JUICERO
  • PLUS a NINE MONTH SUPPLY OF JUICERO
• PAY ORDER WITH:
  • FIRST NAME: BABY
  • LAST NAME: COLLEGE FUND
  • CREDIT CARD NUMBERS: 4532 1876 5537 9372 (VISA) EXP 12/2023 CVC 813

ACT 3:

• (same order screen as above)
• CLICK

ACT 3:

• MYSTERIOUS NARRATOR: and so eight months went by. delicious months. desparate months.
• WIFE left HUSBAND because of his JUICE obsession. she could not understand the convenience and value the juicero brings into the world. she could not understand EX HUSBAND was merely detoxing in preparation to be an amazing father. juicero: perfect for fatherhood.
• EX HUSBAND was DEPRESSED yet REVITALIZED, REINVIGORATED. thanks to the power of the JUICE.
• but with one month left, EX HUSBAND entered a 100% DETOXED JUICE TRANCE

this is like a "jimmy neutron brain blast"

ACT 4: (the 100% detoxed "jimmy neutron brain blast" juice trance

woah...                                                                 (thank you juicero)
                                                                                       of all time. ...
          i a mthe Husbnand..... in the mysterious story  ...

      ok ... what am i doing here. ..
    

   i have all the time in the world. ..  i am going to be a mathematics and logic wizard. .. .. 

                                                                     (like y=mx+b and F=Ma...)
          and calculate all the physical laws which define this world, in their entirerty... and then derive the initial conditions of the universe

     and fr om there                                                      (thank you juicero)
                     simuilate out the universe... atom by atom..  in my head... 
                (thanks to juice transe powers)
        and figure out the soilution to my problems.... ..

                                      DING okaaye done i figured it out
  
           it wasnt even hard but i was hoping it would be a little machiavellian.
                                                                                                                      (thank you juicero)
    like some crazy butterfly effect business. something like that.... 

              but instead i just figured out the lottery numbers for the Big Lottery in 1 week...  im goin g to get $512 million dollars.
                        (thank you juicero)
       oh i also calculated out into the future and wow... there are soooo many global diaasters.... im buying as much water as i can it's sop scary in the future actually :( but juicero makes me brave)

anyways ttyl! i have my solutions


END JUICETRANCE

ACT 5 ACT 1:

• EX HUSBAND: eureka!! EX WIFE COME QUICK (thank you juicero)

• EX WIFE: you have shattered my life. this better be good

• EX HUSBAND: through the power of juicero we will be millionaires

• EX WIFE: ok

ACT 5 ACT 2:

• NARRATOR: though EX HUSBAND was no longer 100% detoxed, he did maintain heightened cognitive ability thanks to the antioxidants and nutrients running through his system (thank you juicero)

• and he had a horrifying realization: although NEARLY OMNISCIENT, not even juicero could grant him the capacity to control his movement on a molecular level.

• he had made a terrible mistake: he did not account for himself.

• what if the minute differences in how he takes steps, opens doors, speaks, etc. add up to a change in the randomly selected numbers chosen??

• (this concern goes on for a few hundred pages until the numbers are selected, unchanged from EX HUSBANDS prediction. it's ultimately not even a problem at all.)

• LOTTERY PERSON ON THE TV: 42... 06... 91... 33... 78... 00... 81... 35...

• EX HUSBAND: yess

• LOTTERY PERSON ON THE TV: haha wait oops. that's from our rigged joke set

• EX HUSBAND: oh no what?? oh no

• LOTTERY PERSON ON THE TV: 42... 06... 91... 33... 78... 00... 81... 35...

• EX HUSBAND: yesss

• LOTTERY PERSON ON THE TV: WOULD YA LOOK AT THAT. what a coincidence. thems the numbers.

EPILOGUE

• after an exciting day the new familey retires

• BABY: i am ready to be born now

• LOTTERY PERSON ON THE TV ON THE PHONE: hello EX HEUSBAND have won a hundred million dollars

• EX WIFE: let's get back together

• HUSBAND, WIFE, BABY, LOTTERY PERSON, AUDIENCE (all together): thank you juicero

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     - JUICERO: and to all a good night :)