Pooping is something that we very rarely truly romanticize. So I am here to do that, through Thousand Revelations of Defecation.

Revelation the First: Plumbing is Sci-Fi Technology: Some time before 9/11, when I was a kindergartner, I was very much aware that I was living in The Future. I think I must have been steeped in Y2K-optimism that I didn't have the ability to place. But I very much understood and appreciated that I was living in the height of technology, and I knew that included plumbing.

The worst part of pooping is the fact that it's a hazardous material which is a sensory nightmare and will make you sick. And we have a system for containing and transporting it away instantly. And people don't even think about it.

Revelation the Second: Animal Crossing and Gratitude: I was playing with my friends, Animal Crossing Gamecube Villagers, when one appeared to me, angry, huffed, upset. She accused me of taking her friendship for granted. I was shocked! I didn't know what that meant, but I surely didn't do that! I searched up the term and came to understand it, and I vowed to not take anything for granted.

Revelation the Third: Toilets are in Homes: My parents were very bad with money, and also did not have a lot of it. We were on the verge of homelessness several times. I was already appreciative of the world around me, but pooping on a toilet is different when you know you might not be doing that the same time next year, or even next month. I wiped with appreciation.

Revelation the Fourth: Euthanasia denies people the right to Shit: In my freshman college philosophy course, I felt pretty bored. I had already derived most of these philosophers thoughts, but better. Utilitarianism, well, that's obvious. And Descartes decided to abandon everything he believes, understanding he might essentially be a brain in a vat, but then concludes 'Well, we know God must exist,' what the fuck? But there was one philosopher, who's name I sadly forget, who argued against euthanasia (or maybe abortion?) with the argument that it would deny people the pleasures of life, including that of going to the bathroom. This was the first time I saw some argue, plainly and seriously, that pooping is seriously a pleasure that people deserve to enjoy. And he was right.

Revelation the Fifth: Fiber and Jojoba oil: Hey, why aren't we telling kids they need to eat fiber? Why aren't we subsidizing fiber rich foods? Did you know, if you eat enough fiber, you almost don't need to wipe? Why isn't everyone talking about this? I grew up having some poops that are just sticky and require wipe after wipe after wipe, and some poops which come out so clean I wipe once and it's done. It was an eternal mystery to me, until I started eating fiber. I used to wonder how people in ancient times survived without toilet paper, and I realize now they had an almost unimaginably fiber-rich diet. They didn't need toilet paper.

Revelation unrealized: Bidet: I have never lived in a place where I could use a bidet. Always I've had a problem with the attachment to the toilet water. Sadly, I am stuck with toilet paper (and jojoba oil, which is very nice).

Revelation the Sixth: First toilet, as an adult: Of the friends I've made in undergrad, at least two of my friends were (1) second-generation immigrants who also (2) had parents who grew up rural and without toilets. One of my friends parents grew up somewhere defecating outside (not a squat toilet or a dry toilet), one of whom became a dentist, and who (presumably) poop in a toilet every day now. I knew toilets were a privilege, but I had not actually known anyone who was even related to someone who grew up without a toilet. It all felt real to me.

Revelation the Thousands: Pooping: I wake in the morning, I hydrate, I stretch, and do some light exercise. Slowly, I feel energetic as I greet the day. I drink a cup of coffee. And my bowels inform me that we are ready to shit. And so I do shit. And it's good. It's a luxury I am indulging in. This is not a joke; it's time to make some space to appreciate this a normal amount. It's like Mr. Piranesi said, the beauty of life is immeasurable.

I have some misgivings about this post, because "haha i Love to SHIT" is such... Banal, male-coded toilet humor. It's like the "male gaze" but for comedic observations. I don't want to create a space where Peter Griffin could make a conversational contribution.

But pooping IS good. It's one of the pleasures of life. And we live in a world of super-luxury shitting that goes underappreciated.