but, i got my new passport. so i suppose i just need to find a certified translator and a notary and i should be good

i do feel really frustrated i feel like i have a really short fuse and things get to me really easily even when theyre just meant to be light jokes, but. i don't know, i do have a lot going on, i guess. im hoping ill figure things out slowly, even though i feel awful things are still looking a lot better than they were even just 2 weeks ago, so that's good

anyway. i have my name on an id document, and it even says im a woman!! its really fucking frustrating it took so long to finally exist in the legal system but whatever. at least as far as the us govt is concerned i'm finally me now.

i also had another psych appointment to try and finally get an official f64.0 dx and it did go quite well. i dont really care because ive already been self-rxing for a while and i feel way way way better in my own skin, but i didnt expect it to go very well from the awful psych i had last time, who basically did nothing but make fun of my name and my childhood for an hour just to charge me $220 and tell me to "consider antidepressants" lol. but she was like, really nice and not particularly prying and quite accepting* of how hectic i am, with all my documents and unusual history and situation, and she said she can cancel one appt because im very obviously trans. and she also insisted that i pass really well which i'm not sure i agree with and im sure she was just being nice but its, just really nice to hear. tbf i did do my makeup, so maybe that helped

i still need to make all sorts of appointments for medical and legal and uni shit and its really fucking anxiety inducing to think of but whatever. i hope ill get through it. i had a nice valentines day with my gf, which helped a lot. i truly love her i think i am going to remember this day forever. im getting better at this. i hope everything works out. i want to be happy, and i want to know what im doing and how to take care of myself. im starting to feel like i am finally figuring out how to truly be myself and it makes me feel hope for the future. like, theres a lot of things that were really impossible to me not long ago like moving out living on my own, dressing up or styling my hair or doing my nails or putting on makeup and like, its still not easy for me to do them consistently, but i know what i'm doing now. i have a small (growing) wardrobe, i know my sizing for all my clothes and underclothes and shoes and i can do my hair and makeup and imo i am not bad at them (except blow styling my bangs they always come out a bit wonky lol). i just need to get to a point where i can actually do them regularly, and it is slowly getting easier. i am hopeful :)

* (it was a little odd how she asked what specifically physical changes i've had, like, i've been on estradiol for over a year. like, do i really need to go into detail. it is weird to talk about but i guess theyre probably required to ask this as part of standard procedure, or something. but like idk, i do wish people focused less on this and more on the things you can't see so obviously, like, i feel so much more emotionally complete. i can express myself, and truly feel things. i don't feel numb anymore. i feel like things are finally right and how they're supposed to be. also i could go on a whole rant about how fucking stupid it is to require dozens of layers of "diagnostics" solely because of the pathologization of trans people but whatever. i do understand that it's in the icd mostly for billing purposes, and insurance wouldn't cover it otherwise [although that's kind of a cop out really, theoretically they could fit it into E34.9 or 5B3Z {which my gp has used as the medical indication to justify giving me blood tests without an official dx 「 which i'm EXTREMELY grateful for, even though he's kind of clueless in general i'm really glad they'd do that for me at the very least」}])