"How to Win Friends and Influence People"

Submitted by cute_spider in just_post

The very premise of, "strategically converse and socialize with people" creeps me way the fuck out. I feel even just learning the secrets I'll forget how to just be genuinely warm. It's the Yellow King's mark and people who research the this "strategy for being a warm friend" get replaced with "warm friendly mad cultists" - like how salespeople and corpo types are. The digger they deep and more they practice, the more you can tell. Even a quick perusal costs you a chunk of your self.

It also gives you the ability to read those corpo self-help books they give out. Those Johns Maxwell and Dales Carnegie. Since I avoided HTWFAIP, those books are incomprehensible nonsense. There is no spiritual parasite feeding off the encoded directives.

I know it's exaggerated in my head but I've had this book for like twenty years, I recall my dad gave it to me.

That book is fear and disgust.

Why is it still on my shelf?

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flabberghaster wrote

I read it. The advice is not that bad in some places but it is kind of weird. Basically it's "People love talking about themselves, so ask them questions and listen to what they tell you. Even if you don't say much they'll often think you're a great conversationalist." That one is good. Others are like "People love the sound of their own names, so say their names a bunch".

I don't think it's that weird or manipulative, it just has kind of a clickbait title from before clickbait was a thing. Most of the advice doesn't seem that good (specifically saying peoples names freakishly often) but it's not like... pickup artist type stuff or anything.

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hollyhoppet wrote (edited )

i dunno i tried to read it once and the whole time i couldn't shake a weird vibe. definitely not as bad as PUA stuff but still kind of smelly. some of the advice is pretty ok though you're not wrong about that.

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flabberghaster wrote

I will caveat all of that with the fact that I read it in junior high, and don't really remember much. It felt weirdly manipulative in parts but some of it seemed innocuous.

I do not endorse it. But I think if you're going to read any book on the subject, you can do a lot worse, I guess is my stance.

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cute_spider OP wrote

You can't trick me into reading it by pretending it's mundane

I know your dark secrets

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hollyhoppet wrote

joke reply aside i do think it's pretty valuable to have guides on how to socialize well especially for those of us who are, for example, autistic, and have trouble knowing how to act in social situations.

but i don't think that book is very good at that lol

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hollyhoppet wrote

how to colonize people and exploit them

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Moonside wrote

I've got the opposite attitude. If you read it you'll know what all the self-help authors are ripping off (and a ton of contemporary non-fiction is functionally self-help) and you can be inoculated against the bullshit. If you have a critical, reflective attitude towards reading it, it's all grist to the mill. And Carnegie is a better writer than most in the genre.

I wouldn't be worried about a book ruining you. You're not gonna keep up with bullshit that goes counter to your values anyways, unless you're avoiding something, which is something that a book isn't culpable for.

Tbh I am reading a kinda terrible BDSM guide at the moment and while I find some of it insightful, I find it more useful to understanding what the fuck people on Fetlife are talking about. Like there is a veritable epidemic of One Twue Way on there scattered among the groups and now I got some understanding of it.

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cute_spider OP wrote

Okay so you're one of the cursed souls that read the vile texts

Good to know 🤔

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Moonside wrote

I read that and The Art of War as a teen just to see them for myself. Tbh the reputation of AoW is kinda incredible. It is an incredible amount of not a business guide. "Hey remember logistics? Don't announce what you're gonna do. This is an actual field of expertise, btw, and the basics really matter."

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