I get you. I'm fully on "what's the next good thing I can do" mode and that's all that's getting me through. I've got my little lifeboat tho so I'll be okay, who knows tho.

Yeah.. whenever I try to think about it too much I get into such an... idek, not an existential spiral, just, emptiness. So I try not to think about it too much haha. I'm sure this is great coping

Whenever I start feeling this way, I remind myself that people who lived under brutal empires in the past probably also felt the same way. But those empires eventually crumbled, the people started the long journey of healing, and eventually the future was bright again. I very much want a good future, but that future has to be fought for, and part of that means rooting out defeatist thoughts.

I'm a fan of the "revolutionary suicide" concept (by this I mean the original meaning of the phrase as coined by Huey Newton, before it was hijacked by the Jonestown cult). Revolutionary suicide, in its original form, was the idea that it is better to die on your feet than on your knees; that it is better to die resisting the forces that would drive me to self murder, rather than by giving in to them. This is one of the things that keeps me going. If the fascists want me dead, they will have to come and kill me themselves. I won't do it for them.

No matter how bleak things may be, we can't give up hope. Because there is always hope, as long as people are willing to resist.