Sticky traps are evil evil evil. Relocating the mice is not an option, and it's not humane. Snap traps are the most humane option.

But snap traps are not instant.

It's a common belief, but snap traps are not instant.

I have a thick skin and a strong stomach, I don't get scared easily. But something about seeing a dead animal strikes a primal fear that paralyzes my person and spikes my cortisol.

A rabbit in the bush, a neighbor's chickens wings in the road, a fish in the sand. A mouse snapped in a trap.

And, snap traps are not instant.

We've had five such mice so far, all trapped in our former cutlery drawer. Bad little bastions of disease, on my chopsticks and spoons. Not great.

The only choice -- the most humane choice, other than accepting the disease -- are the snap traps.

But snap traps are not instant.

A night of insomnia. 10PM became 11PM became 12AM became 1AM became "Sleep hygiene dictates I get out of bed and do something without a screen".

I'm open about being plural here, and one of the benefits of "swapping" is that "I" can just choose not to be stressed. It's a wonderful mental trick and coping mechanism. The most pragmatic thing to do is to forget your worries and sleep.

So, at 2AM, the gentle waves of sleep start slowly to crash over me, beckoning me into dreams--

SNAP.

The unmistakable sound of the kinetic energy of a mouse trap being released. Twenty joules conspiring across a rubber-wrapped metal bar to stop the settlement of a hungry, cold forager.

I'm wide awake.

I have to get the mouse out -- especially if I am so unlucky that the trap cleaved it in half.

But also... I had to know.

Snap traps are not instant. Right?

I had to know. What is this mouse going through? How much pain am I inflicting for my own safety?

Lights on, glasses on.

I rush into the kitchen. I open the drawer, and even though I know what I would see, a

SCREAM

escapes me.

It's a clean a snap as I could ever hope. The bar is clear, horizontal across the neck. Not the torso, not diagonal, not the leg. It's a perfect kill.

And the snap trap was not instant.

The activation of the trap wasn't just clean. It was just right to position the mouse for maximum dramatic gravitas.

Dead center of the drawer, even turned toward me. I looked the mouse in the eyes.

I don't know if it could see me-- its eyes were bulging from its head.

But I could see its chest heaving, the only part of its otherwise-paralyzed body moving.

Heaving, slower, weaker, eventually disappearing.

This was the price of my safety and health. This is one of the pains my life inflicts.

Eventually, the lock broke, I could look away. I could put on my gloves and throw it away.

So, I ended up getting to sleep a few hours later still.