This post is not safe for work, due to bedroom content.

Recently, one of my friends became a friend with benefits. We're both a bit inexperienced, but things have been going pretty well for us. One unorthodox habit of hers is that she likes to create challenges for me to fulfill in bed, and for some unknown reason, I always go along with them.

The last time we were together, as I was putting my hair in a ponytail in preparation to go down on her, we began talking about cunnilingus techniques. I mentioned that I had good results with the alphabet technique (which is where you trace the letters of the alphabet on their clit with your tongue). With a smirk, she told me, "Today, I want you to spell out the NATO phonetic alphabet on me." In other words, she wanted me to spell the entire string "alpha bravo charlie delta echo foxtrot golf hotel india juliet kilo lima mike november oscar papa quebec romeo sierra tango uniform victor whiskey x-ray yankee zulu" with my tongue on her clit. Luckily, I had memorized it years earlier (thanks, Microsoft Flight Simulator X!), so I could actually try to do this one. I laid down, and got to work. It wasn't easy; all the alternating between drawing curves and straight lines tired my tongue out, and it was tricky to think of the next word in time to keep a consistent pace, but I eventually managed it. Whenever I made a typo, I made a little <- arrow, to represent a backspace. I know I probably could've just fudged it, but if I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it right. When I told her I'd finished it, she told me to spell the entire thing backwards, but that proved too difficult.

I hope she doesn't ask for Unicode characters next week, or I'll really be fucked.