i was a child when (1) jk rowling wasnt being transphobic, and (2) i didnt know about antisemetic stereotypes, and (3) i was impressionable and ready to chalk the "house elves are biologically inclined to slavery" as weird fantasy stuff and not weird racist bioessentialism. i was also (4) some sort of gay that i hadn't sorted out yet

like harry potter, i was a smart and queer child with an abusive family who found refuge in school, and later in college, i found found-family. just like harold! i could relate a lot

the first book really stands for itself under the interpretation of "harry potter as a queer found-family allegory." you have:

• all the stuff i just listed above
• also harry potter is afraid of how he'll be sorted into one of the four houses genders, and the hat is like, "you can just choose your own gender house, who told u u couldn't?"
• the main antagonist is a guy who wears a turban and talks in tongues? uh... hmm this is kind of xenophobic maybe? i don't know what kinds of stereotypes were at play in 1997 tbh
• christ i forgot "magic is genetic" is canon. haha jesus christ
• fuck, harry potter is a jock too. he's a natural born sportsboy. this is NOT the queer found-family narrative i so fondly remembered.
• also, hey JK, maybe it's time for "dark" not to be synonymous with "evil" hmmm??
• ok this is now just a list of things that suck

i'm of the belief that harry potter can be salvaged, and that it simply does not belong to joker rowling any longer.

so here's some ideas i have on rewriting it (as someone who once wrote a "harry potter 8" fanfiction at the tender age of 12):

• don't completely rework the plot, that'd be a lot of work. i dont want to add chapters to work around the heinous parts.
• house elves are no longer lifelong slaves, but instead are higher beings who have mysterious, higher motives. they don't concern themselves with the workings of the wizard world. they maintain magical automations that replace the labor in canon, but it's a trivial thing for them.. they're basically like if dr. manhattan were a magical sysadmin. dobby is weird because he's invested in harry's storyline.
• goblins were originally, supposedly a metaphor for antisemitism, but they're portrayed as an inferior race that controls the banks. so, hey jk rowling, what the fuck? proposal:
  • reinforce the "antisemitism is bad" by saying that, and more explicitly mentioning the holocaust during the later books, rather than vaguely referring to that.
  • replace the anti-semetic goblins with silly lil goblin guys. they happen to run the banks because they have the only cryptographer in the wizarding world. hermione remarks "yeah i guess that makes sense, hogwarts literally does not teach wizards math"
• replace harry's source of funds with a mysterious benefactor who turns out to be snape. this adds a twist while also removing the discomfort of "Trustfund Potter Refuses to Lift The Weasly's Out Of Abject Poverty"
• magic is not genetic, it's 100% nurture 0% nature. nobody knows that except for hermione, who makes friends with an exchange student in book 4, who comes from a school that also studies non-magical academic disciplines.
• this one is obvious: drastically increase the diversity of the series.
• re: diversity, here's some obvious ones / long accepted headcanons:
  • hermione is a black woman now, canon and proper
  • dumbledore is a gay jewish man
  • draco malfoy is still white (because his plot arc is about his family being extremely racist)
  • im open to other ideas here
• the death eaters are also canonically the police. a lot of death eaters are killed, including by hatsune miku's self insert, it's cool
• replace the "dark arts" with the "obscured arts"
  • "obscured" is edgy and cool
  • the "dark arts" is not necessarily 'evil' in canon so it can't be called the dark arts. (see: harry potter killing cops is not evil, even if it'd use "dark arts".)

these are all the ideas i have for Harry Potter by Hatsune Miku. what do u think