Hello everyone. I hope you're all well. I'm Natalie. I don't know if anyone will meaningfully remember me! I've been gone too long.

I turned 30 today, and even though it's a completely meaningless thing in actual terms, it's lead to me feeling slightly reflective.

I took a little look in the discord user list, since I've been lurking in there for more than 5 years without saying anything. It made me happy seeing so many names I knew! Some of you had been refreshed in my memory over the years through like, twitter or steam etc. Others of you I hadn't saw the names of in years, but it made me smile when I learned that you were still there in my memory, too! My brain simply needed the dust blowing off and memories with you came right back good as new. Like, how could I not smile, thinking of holly hoppet, and pushbroom, and all the rest of you?! One name I was thinking of who I didn't locate was Sasakura, if anyone knows where they're at these days. They were very active back on IRC and we shared a small bond for having both been to uni in Liverpool.

Earnestly, you've all meant a great deal to me. I isolated myself a little bit with a smaller friend group in my last year of uni, and drifted away from IRC and fempire. But in the time before that, you were all my most important group of friends in one of the most difficult times in my life, when I was unmedicated for my depression and when I was just finally letting myself come to terms with Being Trans. I had, just then, all-but cut myself off from the IRL friend group I'd kept in some form or another for the prior 7 or 8 or so years, because of The Diseased Brain Problems and fear about The Gender Troubles. The warmth all of us casually shared back then kept that miserable time from being so much worse for me. I could never thank you all enough and I'll always think fondly of each and every one of you.

I can't make any guarantees because my attention span and ability to concentrate on more than one conversation at once are completely shot, but I would like to try to at least stick my head in to the discord every now and then instead of completely lurking forever. Any of you are also free to message me for any reason at all. I think of you all so warmly.

Love forever,

Nat