i feel really depressed

it feels like every time i fall into another pit it’s deeper than the last, and it always feels like it can’t possibly get worse but it does. it feels unfair to the people i care about and who are there for me when i need it because i can hardly even be present enough for them to offer me anything. and i just feel so deeply and diffusely awful i can’t even articulate what exactly i feel because it’s just. it’s just Bad. i don’t know why exactly, it’s just all Bad. im really grateful for my girlfriend and my one classmate who tries to check up on me when im not doing very well but i feel so bad i can’t give them any hint of progress, i don’t want them to think im not trying or that i don’t want to be happy. im not sure what to do. or what’s going on, i feel hopeless. i kind of wish i was dead but i dont want to die because i have people i love but i just feel the deepest agony