I feel very unlovable. Broken, even. Everyone in my social circle is in a stable relationship, some have even married already. I've been less successful.
Never had a boyfriend, never had a girlfriend. I don't know how to meet people, and I rarely, if ever, have opportunities to make new friends.
I've had problems with substance abuse in the past, so I don't drink / smoke / any other drug verbs anymore. From the outside looking in, it seems like it's so easy to meet people thanks to alcohol and such, but it's fucking scary to me that I regularly have thoughts along the lines of "Alcohol can solve my problems!"
I've been trying the online dating thing, OkC, PoF, Tinder, all the big ones, for... three (?) years now, very regularly. I've been on one date. I know response rates are low for men, lower if you're not cishet, but my experience is enough that I can't just blame my failings on statistics.
I don't know what it is that's wrong with me, why the thousands upon thousands of people I've tried to form a connection with have almost universally ignored me. I'm not horrendously unattractive, I'm not behaving in any manner that anyone would consider shitty - I'm not a 'nice guy' (TM) - so I'm not sure what it is I'm doing wrong.
It'd be easier on my ego to just do the TRP / incel thing, blaming everyone but myself, but FUCK THOSE PEOPLE. It's tempting, at times, though. For years, I've been trying to improve myself, make myself into someone I would love, but I just don't know if my efforts are in vain, if I'm even heading in the right direction. What if the person I want to be is someone that nobody would want to be with?

I just want someone to cuddle with, why does nobody on the planet feel the same about me?

TL;DR: sad nerd dies alone

Comments

devtesla wrote on January 12, 2018 at 4:01 PM

Thank you for posting, I hope things get better!!

Incels are jerks but they are right that it's not all their fault, that the world is cruel and a lot of people end up very lonely who shouldn't be. I don't have a solution for anything but I think that's worth remembering.

butthole69 wrote on January 14, 2018 at 3:21 AM

I know the feeling, and you're on the right path with trying to improve yourself. Make sure you're actually improving though, and not just beating yourself up for not being the things you wish you were. that's a mistake I made for a long time; I used to make lists of things I was gonna change about myself, dumb superficial social things like "be quieter so people will think you're mysterious" and "read 3 things a day so you'll be smarter and have more stuff to talk about". But the only things that actually helped in the end were ones like "remember to ask people how they're doing" and "remember one thing about each person you meet that you can ask them about next time you see them". It's almost cynical, but people tend to care about you more once they see that you care about them. Love people, and they'll love you back.